Guiding The Young Ones

Tag: mental health

  • Let’s Talk About – Domestic Violence and Abuse: Support, Information and Reassurance

    Let’s Talk About – Domestic Violence and Abuse: Support, Information and Reassurance

    Domestic violence or abuse can affect anyone, regardless of age, gender, or background. If you’re worried that someone might notice or check on the pages you’ve visited, the Women’s Aid website offers guidance on how to cover your tracks online to protect your privacy.

    What is Domestic Violence and Abuse?

    Domestic violence, also referred to as domestic abuse, encompasses physical, emotional and sexual abuse that occurs in intimate partner relationships or between family members. It can happen to anyone and unfortunately, anyone can be an abuser.

    Getting Help and Support for Domestic Violence

    You do not have to wait for an emergency situation to reach out for help. If you’re experiencing domestic abuse, it’s important to talk to someone and remember that you are not alone.

    Information and Support Resources:

    • For women: Call the Freephone National Domestic Abuse Helpline run by Refuge at 0808 2000 247, available 24/7, offering confidential, non-judgemental information and support.
    • For men: Call Men’s Advice Line at 0808 8010 327 (Mon-Fri 10am-8pm) or visit their webchat (Wed 10am-11:30am & 2:30pm-4pm) for information and support.
    • For LGBT+ individuals: Call Galop at 0800 999 5428 for emotional and practical support.
    • For forced marriage or honour crimes: Call Karma Nirvana at 0800 5999 247 (Mon-Fri 9am-5pm) or GOV.UK Forced Marriage Unit at 020 7008 0151.

    In emergencies, always call 999. You can also email for support. When emailing, please specify when and how it is safe to respond:

    The Survivor’s Handbook from Women’s Aid is a free resource that provides essential information about housing, money, children’s support, and legal rights.

    If you’re concerned about your own behaviour, the Respect Helpline can provide support. Call 0808 802 4040 for confidential, free advice.

    Signs of Domestic Violence and Abuse

    Domestic violence is fundamentally about power and control. There are different forms of abuse, and it can be hard to recognise, especially when the abuser acts differently around others. Here are some questions to help you identify potential abuse:

    Emotional Abuse:

    • Does your partner belittle or put you down?
    • Do they blame you for arguments or abuse?
    • Do they isolate you from family or friends?
    • Do they control your access to money or essential items?
    • Do they monitor your social media or invade your privacy?

    Threats and Intimidation:

    • Are you ever threatened with harm or death?
    • Do they destroy your belongings or intimidate you physically?
    • Are you ever made to feel fearful of their actions?

    Physical Abuse:

    • Has your partner slapped, punched, kicked, or physically harmed you?
    • Have they ever burned or choked you, or thrown things at you?

    Sexual Abuse:

    • Have they touched you in ways you didn’t want?
    • Are you pressured into unsafe or unwanted sexual activity?
    • Are you made to have sex when you don’t want to, even with a partner?

    General Signs of Abuse:

    • Have you ever felt afraid of your partner?
    • Have you changed your behavior out of fear of what they might do?

    If you answered “yes” to any of these, you might be in an abusive relationship. Help is available, and you don’t have to face this alone.

    Domestic Abuse During Pregnancy

    Unfortunately, domestic abuse often increases during pregnancy. If you are pregnant and facing abuse, it can get worse as the relationship dynamics change. It’s essential to seek support, both for your safety and the safety of your unborn child.

    If You Decide to Leave

    The first step in escaping an abusive situation is realizing that you are not alone, and it’s not your fault. Before leaving, it’s important to get advice and create a safety plan. Some organizations that can help with safety planning are:

    • Women’s Aid (for women)
    • Men’s Advice Line (for men)
    • Galop (for LGBT+)

    If you plan to leave, be careful who you tell, and make sure the person abusing you does not find out where you’re going. Women’s Aid provides practical advice on making a safety plan for both men and women.

    Signs of Domestic Abuse on Children

    Domestic abuse often impacts children who witness it. It’s important to be aware of the signs that a child may be affected:

    • Aggression, bullying, or anti-social behavior
    • Anxiety, depression, or suicidal thoughts
    • Bed-wetting, nightmares, or insomnia
    • Frequent sickness or unexplained health issues
    • Eating disorders or substance use
    • Problems in school or learning difficulties
    • Withdrawal or isolation

    If you notice any of these signs, it’s important to seek support for both you and your children.

    Effects of Domestic Abuse on Children

    Children who live in homes with domestic abuse may experience long-term effects on their mental, emotional, and physical wellbeing. These impacts can last into adulthood if left unaddressed.

    What’s crucial is ensuring that the abuse stops and that children are provided with a safe, stable environment where they can heal.

    Support for Adults and Families Affected by Domestic Abuse

    There are several support services available:

    • Relate: Call 0300 003 0396 for support with relationship issues, including domestic abuse.
    • National Domestic Violence Helpline: Call 0808 2000 247 (24/7).
    • Men’s Advice Line: Call 0808 801 0327 for men experiencing domestic abuse.
    • National LGBT+ Domestic Abuse Helpline: Call 0800 999 5428 for LGBT+ individuals.

    Help for Those Worried About Their Behaviour

    If you think you may be abusive, or are concerned about your behaviour, help is available.

    You can call NSPCC at 0808 800 5000 or email help@nspcc.org.uk for advice and support.

    You can also reach out to Respect at 0808 802 4040 (Mon-Fri 9am-5pm) for confidential help. Their webchat service is available on Tuesdays and Thursdays.

    Remember, you are not alone, and help is available. There are professionals who care and can support you through the difficult journey of healing, whether you are experiencing abuse, have witnessed it, or are concerned about your own behaviour.

    Take the first step – reach out, ask for help, and know that there is a path to safety, peace and healing.

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  • Calm Down Box/Basket

    Calm Down Box/Basket

    What is a Calm Down Basket/Box?

    We all experience moments when we feel stressed, overwhelmed or dysregulated – these feelings are completely normal, all be them unpleasant! A calm down box is a wonderful tool designed to help children (or even adults) manage their emotions, regulate their bodies and minds and build resilience in moments of stress.

    A calm down box is a special place that holds your child’s (or your own) favourite items, specifically chosen to aid in self-regulation. These items help to restore balance by grounding the senses – whether through touch, smell, sight, sound or practicing breathing techniques.

    The Golden Rules of a Calm Down Box:

    • Choose items that are liked and age-appropriate: Make sure the contents are things your child (or you) will enjoy using.
    • Avoid screen-time items: Calm down boxes should not include screens like iPads or gaming devices.
    • Encourage independent play: The purpose of a calm down box is to (eventually) help children self-regulate on their own, so it’s important that the contents promote independent interaction.
    • Model how to use it: If your child is new to using a calm down box, you may need to show them how to engage with the items inside, especially during moments of big emotions (some children will need a longer period of time co-regulating and it is important we support them, so they can eventually self-regulate).

    What to Include in a Calm Down Box:

    If you’re wondering what to add, consider items that encourage repetitive motions or sensory experiences, such as spinning, clicking or rolling. These activities can help children focus and calm their minds. Toys with different textures, sounds and scents can be particularly effective in distracting from overwhelming emotions, helping children refocus and regain a sense of calm.

    What is a Sensory Break?

    A sensory break is a short, intentional pause from regular activities to engage in calming sensory experiences. These breaks are not just for times of stress; they can also be used when a child is feeling calm or happy. The purpose is to teach children valuable self-regulation tools that they can later use during moments of frustration or upset.

    The Benefits of a Calm Down Box and Sensory Breaks:

    A calm down box and sensory breaks offer many benefits, such as:

    • Increased mindfulness: Helping children become more aware of their emotional and physical states.
    • Reduced stress and anxiety: Sensory activities can reduce the impact of stress and encourage relaxation.
    • Improved emotional regulation: Children learn to better manage their emotions, even in challenging situations.
    • Enhanced self-awareness: Through regular practice, children become more in tune with their emotions and how to manage them.

    When we engage with our senses, such as through touch or smell, we activate the parasympathetic nervous system (PNS) – the body’s natural calming response. This response counteracts the “fight or flight” instinct, reducing heart rate, blood pressure and muscle tension. Sensory breaks also help distract the brain from anxious thoughts, redirecting focus to more calming and restorative experiences.

    A Reminder:

    Younger children may need support and guidance from adults to effectively use their calm down boxes, especially during moments of strong emotions, distress, or dysregulation. It’s important to be patient, offer gentle guidance and make it a practice that encourages emotional growth and resilience.

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  • The First Days: What No One Tells You

    The First Days: What No One Tells You

    You’ve spent months preparing, reading, waiting. Then suddenly, you’re home – with your baby – and everything feels a little surreal. The moment you’ve been anticipating is finally here… but instead of feeling serene or “ready,” you might find yourself staring blankly, baby in arms, wondering: now what?

    No one really tells you just how disorienting those first few days can be.

    The Emotional Avalanche

    The first days are raw. They’re full of contradictions – love so huge it hurts, tears you don’t understand and a fog of exhaustion that makes the smallest things feel impossible. Your hormones are crashing and shifting. Your body is recovering from something monumental. Whether you’ve had a straightforward birth or, like me, needed emergency surgery and intensive postnatal care, your body has been through something big. And your heart is trying to keep up.

    After my youngest was born, I had to be separated from my eldest for a week while I recovered – a week that felt like a lifetime. I was in high dependency care, battling complications and relying on intravenous, topical and oral antibiotics for 12 weeks. It was a frightening time, physically and emotionally. I wasn’t depressed, but I cried – a lot, in fact, if we are being honest, I cried a lot after having my eldest and that was a much smoother journey… Great, heaving sobs that came from somewhere deep inside. My body was healing, my hormones were shifting, and my heart was holding more than it ever had before.

    And that’s the thing: you don’t have to be diagnosed with postnatal depression to struggle…. Sometimes, this time is just hard. That’s okay.

    Sleep Deprivation Is No Joke

    Let’s talk about the tiredness. The kind of tiredness that makes the hours blur, the tears fall faster and the world feel like it’s spinning just a little too fast. The tiredness that makes choosing what to eat feel like a strategic mission and makes you weep because you dropped a spoon.

    When you’re this sleep-deprived, everything feels bigger. Feeding challenges, a crying baby, a messy kitchen – these things can feel overwhelming not because you’re failing, but because you’re utterly depleted.

    Your Body: A New Story

    This part can be really tough, and it isn’t talked about enough. After birth, your body might feel like a stranger’s. It’s sore, tender, changed. Maybe you’re stitched, bandaged, leaking, or scarred. Maybe you’re still in shock. Even without complications, your body has grown and birthed a human – that is enormous!

    There’s sometimes an unnecessary pressure to “bounce back” or be grateful no matter what but it’s okay if you’re grieving the old version of yourself a little. It doesn’t make you any less strong, loving, or grateful.

    It’s Okay to Ask for Help

    You don’t need to do this alone. And even if you can, you shouldn’t have to.

    Help doesn’t always look like someone swooping in and taking over. It can be someone holding the baby while you shower, someone cooking a meal, someone sitting with you and letting you cry. I’ve been so fortunate to have incredible support – my Mum, Grandma, Auntie, and Sister, all stepping in before I even asked… Meals cooked, injections administered, babies rocked, messes cleaned. No task too big, no job too messy.

    Not everyone has a built-in village like that – and even when people do care, they might not know when or how to step in. People worry about interfering. Sometimes, you’ll need to ask. That’s not weakness – that’s wisdom.

    Routines Take Time

    Whether this is your first baby or your fourth, each addition changes the dynamic. Finding a rhythm is hard. It takes time and patience and often a bit of trial and error. Let go of the pressure to “have it all together” by day three. You’re all learning each other, and that’s a process, not a performance.

    You’re Doing Better Than You Think

    If you feel like you’re floundering – you’re not alone. This is a season of wild transformation. You are healing, learning, and loving in ways you never have before.

    There’s no perfect start. No perfect Mum (or Dad). Just you – showing up, loving hard and finding your way.

    And you know what? That’s more than enough.

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  • Top Tips for Supporting Emotional Regulation

    Top Tips for Supporting Emotional Regulation

    1. Name Your Feelings
      Help children identify and express their emotions by using mirrors to explore facial expressions and discussing what different feelings look like. This builds emotional intelligence and awareness.
    2. Separate “I Am” from “I Feel”
      Encourage children to say “I feel angry” instead of “I am angry,” reminding them that emotions are temporary and don’t define who they are.
    3. Use Makaton
      Makaton sign language helps children express emotions. Even for those who usually have a good vocabulary, in moments of emotional distress and dysregulation, children can struggle to express themselves. This supports both emotional and verbal communication, when children don’t have or cant find the words.
    4. Read Books About Emotions
      Explore stories like The Colour Monster and The Lion Inside, using story props and puppets to dive deeper into characters’ feelings and situations.
    5. Calm Down Bottles & Basket
      Provide sensory bottles or a calming basket with emotion books, fidget toys, and other calming resources to help children de-escalate when feeling overwhelmed.
    6. Practice Dragon Breaths
      Teach mindful breathing with fun techniques like “Dragon Breaths” (deep breaths) or “Smell the Flowers, Blow Out the Candles” to calm the body and mind.
    7. Mindful Body Scan
      Encourage children to relax by tensing and releasing different body parts, helping them become more aware of their body and emotions.
    8. Daily Yoga
      Incorporate simple yoga poses to release pent-up emotions, reduce stress and boost emotional resilience.
    9. Music & Movement
      Use songs and physical activities (like jumping or running) to help children release energy and regulate their emotions in a fun, active way.
    10. Cooperative Games
      Promote self-regulation through games that encourage patience, turn-taking and impulse control – great for developing social-emotional skills.
    11. Sensory Play
      Offer a variety of sensory activities, from messy play to sensory tents, to help children connect with their bodies and explore emotions through their senses.
    12. Imaginative Play
      Encourage pretend play, allowing children to act out real-life scenarios and explore different emotions, which helps build empathy and emotional understanding.
    13. Singing
      Use songs to help children express and regulate their emotions. (Bonus – Singing also supports language development and memory).
    14. The Power of Play
      All types of play – whether physical, imaginative, or symbolic – are essential in building early self-regulation skills and supporting expression. Through play, children practice planning, problem-solving and emotional control.

    Supporting emotional regulation in children is a continuous, nurturing process that builds over time. By offering simple, effective strategies like these, we can help children develop the tools they need to understand and manage their feelings in healthy ways. Whether it’s through play, breathing exercises, or expressive activities, every moment is an opportunity to guide them towards emotional resilience.

    For more tips and ideas on fostering emotional growth, be sure to keep an eye on our other resources in the Top Tips category. Together, we can help our little ones grow into confident, self-aware individuals.

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