Guiding The Young Ones

Tag: wellbeing

  • Not Built to Sit Still: Defending Childhood in an Age of Pressure

    Not Built to Sit Still: Defending Childhood in an Age of Pressure

    A Barefoot Conversation

    Why play, presence, and connection matter more than the DFE’s version of “school readiness“

    A barefoot conversation with a ladybird.
    That’s what stopped me in my tracks.

    Tiny toes curled against the grass, a child crouched low and still—whispering gentle words to a ladybird resting on a leaf. No rush. No noise. Just awe. Just presence.

    And in that moment, everything made sense again. This is childhood. Not worksheets. Not school-readiness tick lists. Not quiet hands and still bottoms. But muddy feet, wonder-filled questions, and empathy blooming from the tiniest of encounters.

    We are raising little humans, not robots. And yet across the country, we’re asking four-year-olds to meet expectations built for older children. We’re asking them to sit before they’re ready, to read before they’re developmentally able — to achieve like an adult, rather than explore like a child.

    But the world doesn’t need more children who can sit still at four.
    It needs children who care.
    Children who feel.
    Children who notice the smallest creatures and imagine their stories.

    Because from these early acts of compassion — like chatting to a ladybird — come the roots of kindness, empathy, and responsibility for the world around them.

    What the Research Says

    We don’t have to guess what children need. Decades of child development research is clear: play is not a luxury—it’s a biological necessity.

    • The Harvard Center on the Developing Child highlights that young children learn best through active, joyful, and engaging experiences— not passive instruction.
    • The Alliance for Childhood and UNICEF advocate strongly for delayed formal schooling, with many European countries (like Finland and Sweden) beginning structured academic learning at age 6 or 7 — after a long foundation of play-based early years education.
    • Neurological studies show that movement, exploration, and connection are essential for developing executive function, emotional regulation, and long-term cognitive skills.

    Yet here in England, we’re still pushing four-year-olds (and younger) into formal classrooms. We’re turning play into a performance. Exploration into outcomes. And our children are paying the price.

    A Personal Reflection

    When I think of the children in my care, I think of the ones who can build entire worlds out of sticks and stones. The ones who soothe slugs and rescue worms. The ones who tell me, with complete seriousness, what the ladybirds are saying back.

    And I think of the quiet ones — the ones who thrive when they are not rushed. The ones who don’t always find sitting easy, but who can spend 40 minutes moving conkers from bowl to basket with deep, meaningful concentration.

    These aren’t children who are behind. These are children who are becoming.
    Children who are deeply engaged with their world.
    Children who will grow into compassionate, thoughtful, resilient humans — if we let them.

    And yet I see the increased pressure creeping in. From “school readiness” checklists. From misunderstood expectations. From a system that has forgotten what childhood is meant to be.

    The Bigger Picture

    This isn’t just a professional frustration — it’s a national concern. We are seeing a sharp rise in childhood mental health difficulties, and many professionals in the early years sector are sounding the alarm.

    Children today are growing up in a world that is louder, faster, and more pressured than ever before. Many are struggling with anxiety, attention difficulties, and burnout — at just four or five years old. And instead of responding with care and compassion, we are asking them to sit longer, try harder, be quieter. This is not developmentally appropriate. It is damaging.

    Every child learns in their own way. Some need movement to think clearly. Some need silence. Some learn through messy, sensory exploration, while others thrive in quiet, focused play. They are not carbon copies. They are not data points. And they are certainly not “failing” because they can’t yet conform to adult-driven expectations. If we truly care about children, then their wellbeing, mental health, and right to a childhood must become our top priority — not optional extras squeezed in between phonics and fine motor worksheets.

    Why are we ignoring the mountain of evidence? Why are we still using outdated models of achievement when the world (and the child) has changed?

    It’s time we remembered: school readiness isn’t about sitting still. It’s about being secure, curious, and emotionally equipped to handle new environments. And we build those foundations through love, play, and presence — not pressure.

    A Call to Action

    Unfortunately, we can’t wait for policymakers to catch up — because far too many of the people making decisions about children have little understanding of child development and seem unwilling to listen to those who do. The system won’t fix itself. But we can be the change, from the ground up.

    Here’s how:

    • Speak up. Share your stories, your knowledge, your child-centred practice. Help shift the narrative from achievement to wellbeing.
    • Advocate. When conversations arise about “school readiness,” bring it back to what matters: secure attachments, emotional literacy, and developmentally appropriate expectations.
    • Connect. With parents, with educators, with community leaders. The more unified our voice, the harder it is to ignore.
    • Protect play. Let children be barefoot. Let them talk to ladybirds. Let them carry sticks and ideas and questions. This is not time wasted — it is everything.

    Final Thoughts From an Educator

    One day, our children will look back on these years.

    Will they remember a world that rushed them, silenced them, and tried to make them smaller?
    Or will they remember being seen, heard, and cherished for exactly who they were?

    That gentle whisper to a ladybird might just be the first step in raising a child who will one day protect the planet, comfort a friend, or stand up for what’s right.

    And that begins not with the DFE’s current version of readiness, as described by Bridget Phillipson…
    But by people who truly understand child development and with respect for childhood.

    So, let us be the ones who slowed down.
    Who knelt beside them in the grass.
    Who made space for joy, for wonder, for messy, magnificent becoming.

    Because when we protect childhood, we protect everything that matters.

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  • The Words We Choose: Language, Connection and Childhood

    The Words We Choose: Language, Connection and Childhood

    Not long ago, one of the children in my care was having a quietly difficult morning. There hadn’t been a dramatic outburst or any obvious signs of upset — just a certain stillness in their shoulders, a withdrawn glance, a subtle shift in their play. When I knelt beside them and gently asked how they were feeling, they paused, looked up, and with a quiet voice and simple Makaton signs, they told me: sad.

    In that moment, everything else faded. They trusted me enough to let me in — not with perfect grammar or complicated explanations, but with a small word and a few meaningful signs. And that was all we needed. I mirrored their words, offered comfort, acknowledged the feeling, and gave time. A few minutes later, after our quiet, respectful connection, they leaned in for a cuddle and told me they felt happy.

    Language in the early years is never just about words. It’s about connection, understanding, and helping children feel truly seen.

    Language as an Emotional Bridge

    From the very first gestures and babbles, communication is an emotional act. It’s how children reach out to connect — to be understood, to belong, to share their inner world. In early years settings, we are not just supporting speech and vocabulary; we’re nurturing confidence, trust, and the beginnings of self-expression.

    Whether it’s through spoken language, Makaton, body language, or imaginative play, every child deserves to be heard — in the way that makes sense for them. That means slowing down, tuning in, and remembering that listening is just as powerful as speaking.

    Supporting Early Communication

    A rich language environment isn’t one filled with endless chatter — it’s one full of meaning. Children need us to model language thoughtfully: describing what they’re doing, naming feelings, narrating the day in a gentle rhythm that helps them make sense of the world.

    In my setting, Makaton plays an important role. It gives children another way to communicate, especially when their speech is still developing or their emotions feel too big for words. It empowers them to be part of their world, not just observers of it.

    The Power of Children’s Voices

    Children are full of ideas, questions, stories, and feelings. Honouring their voices means creating space to hear them — not just when it’s convenient, but always.

    This might be pausing to really listen when a child is explaining their block tower, giving them the language to name a feeling, or simply validating their choices. Voice isn’t always verbal — sometimes it’s found in play, in art, in silence. But it’s always there.

    Respectful Narratives and the Language We Model

    Language shapes how we see others — and how they see themselves. That’s why I choose my words carefully when speaking about children, especially around them. I avoid labels, especially negative ones, and instead focus on behaviours, feelings, and needs.

    In the early years, most educators know the importance of moving away from words such as “naughty“. It’s far more constructive and respectful to focus on what a child is expressing through their behaviour — whether we’re encouraging something positive or gently guiding them away from something less helpful. Children are always more than a moment.

    Stories That Bring Us Together

    Books and stories are another powerful part of our language landscape. They build empathy, spark curiosity, and help children make sense of themselves and the world. We read every day — not just for literacy, but for connection. There is something quietly magical about a child leaning in as you read a well-loved book, their body softening as they lose themselves in story. These moments matter.

    A Final Thought

    The words we choose matter. They build connection, foster confidence, and create the emotional blueprint for how children relate to themselves and others.

    Whether we’re signing happy with a small hand gesture, whispering reassurance after a big feeling, or narrating a story in the garden, our language helps children feel safe, respected, and deeply understood.

    And that’s the beginning of everything.

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  • Filling Their Banks: How Tiny Moments Build a Kinder World

    Filling Their Banks: How Tiny Moments Build a Kinder World

    here’s a beautiful analogy I heard recently that’s stayed with me ever since. It came from Gable House Nursery, and it goes like this:
    Every child has a bank.
    As early years educators, we are responsible for filling it — with moments, memories, first experiences, and feelings that will shape their inner world for the rest of their lives.

    And when I heard that, I thought: Yes. That’s it. That’s exactly what we do.

    We may not always realise it in the rush of routines or the mess of muddy wellies — but every time we kneel down to listen, every time we sit beside a child in their joy or frustration, every time we make space for their questions, their wonder, their play — we are making a deposit.

    And these deposits matter. Because one day, when that child grows up and the world feels hard or uncertain, they’ll have something to draw on. A sense of worth. A memory of being loved. An instinct that tells them: You are seen. You are safe. You are enough.

    That’s the kind of investment we’re making.

    And perhaps more than ever, our world needs that.
    It needs children who grow up feeling emotionally full — so they don’t spend adulthood searching for what they never received. It needs children who’ve known kindness, patience and acceptance — so they can carry those things forward into their relationships, communities, and choices.

    Because when we fill a child’s bank, we’re not just shaping one little life — we’re shaping the future.

    But it’s not just about emotional deposits. It’s also about broadening their world — offering children meaningful experiences that build their sense of identity, connection, and possibility.
    This is the heart of cultural capital — those precious moments and encounters that help children make sense of the world around them, feel part of something bigger, and grow into themselves with confidence.

    So how do we do that? How do we fill these invisible banks in ways that truly last?

    These do not always need to be found in grand gestures or expensive outings.
    But with the tiny, ordinary, everyday things — and by offering children experiences they may never have had the chance to encounter before:
    • The thrill of splashing in a muddy puddle for the very first time.
    • The wonder of holding a snail, planting a seed, or mixing a cake from scratch.
    • The discovery of new words, new stories, new rhythms — shared across cultures and generations.
    • The joy of belonging — of being part of a celebration, a tradition, a shared moment of meaning.

    These are powerful forms of cultural capital — experiences that enrich, connect, and help children feel rooted in both who they are and who they’re becoming.

    They may also be found in those moments of connection, those moments that you show a child they truly matter, how much you care, and how special they are:

    • The warm eye contact when they tell a story.
    • The unhurried time spent spotting worms or clouds.
    • The quiet “I see you” in moments of struggle.
    • The comfort of routines, the spark of curiosity, the laughter that bubbles up mid-play.
    • The way we believe in them — even when they’re still learning how to believe in themselves.

    These are also the real riches of childhood.
    These are the moments that stay.

    We may never see the full impact of our work — not in certificates, not in test scores.
    But we see it in their joy, their growth, and the beautiful, kind-hearted humans they are becoming.

    So to all of you who show up for children — educators, childminders, parents, grandparents, key workers and co-regulators — thank you.
    Thank you for every tiny deposit. For every ounce of emotional labour. For every patient pause and playful invitation.

    You are building a kinder world.
    One connection, one moment, one full little bank at a time.

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  • Building Strong Relationships with Young Children: The Importance of Attachment

    Building Strong Relationships with Young Children: The Importance of Attachment

    As early years educators, whether you’re a childminder or a nursery practitioner, one of the most important aspects of your role is to create a safe, nurturing and supportive environment for the children in your care. While many parents and caregivers naturally focus on physical needs like feeding, clothing and safety, the emotional needs of children are equally vital for their growth, development and wellbeing.

    At the heart of this emotional support is attachment – the deep emotional bond that forms between a child and their primary caregivers. The quality of these relationships has a significant impact on a child’s overall well-being and development. Understanding and fostering healthy attachment is essential in the early years.

    What is Attachment?

    Attachment refers to the bond that children form with their caregivers, which provides them with a sense of security and safety. This bond is formed through consistent, responsive interactions and builds the foundation for emotional regulation, trust and social development.

    In the early years, children are particularly sensitive to the quality of their relationships. Positive attachment experiences help children feel safe, loved, and understood, which is crucial for their mental, emotional and social development.

    Why Attachment Matters in Early Childhood

    1. Emotional Development: Children who have secure attachments with their caregivers tend to develop strong emotional regulation skills. They learn how to manage their feelings, cope with stress, and express emotions in healthy ways. These children are also better equipped to form positive relationships with others.

    2. Social Skills: Attachment in early childhood lays the groundwork for how children interact with others as they grow. Children with secure attachments are more likely to show empathy, engage in positive social interactions, and develop strong peer relationships.

    3. Cognitive and Language Development: Secure attachment helps create a safe base for exploration and learning. Children who feel secure are more confident in exploring their environment, trying new things, and engaging in cognitive tasks. This exploration and engagement are key drivers of language and cognitive development.

    4. Long-Term Mental Health: A strong attachment bond in the early years can set the stage for healthier mental health outcomes throughout childhood and into adulthood. Children who experience secure attachment are less likely to experience anxiety, depression or behavioural problems.

    How Can Childminders and Nursery Staff Foster Strong Attachments?

    1. Be Consistently Responsive to Children’s Needs: One of the most important ways to foster secure attachment is to be consistently responsive to a child’s physical and emotional needs. Whether it’s offering comfort when a child is upset or providing praise when they achieve something, consistency helps children feel understood and valued.

    • Practical Tip: Respond to verbal and non-verbal cues from the children. If a child reaches out for comfort or needs assistance, try to meet those needs in a calm, caring manner. Over time, this builds trust.

    2. Establish Predictable Routines: Children feel more secure when they know what to expect. Creating a predictable and consistent routine helps children feel safe and reduces anxiety. It’s important to provide structure in the daily schedule, but also to remain flexible to the children’s emotional needs.

    • Practical Tip: Create a visual schedule with pictures that children can refer to throughout the day. This helps younger children, especially those who are non-verbal, understand what’s coming next.

    3. Create a Warm and Inviting Environment: Children need to feel emotionally safe in their environment. A warm, inviting atmosphere allows children to explore and learn, knowing that there is a safe haven they can return to when they need it. Your body language, tone of voice and facial expressions play a large role in this.

    • Practical Tip: Use open body language, maintain eye contact, and speak in a soothing tone when interacting with children. A friendly and approachable demeanor invites children to come to you for support.

    4. Offer Comfort and Reassurance: When children are upset or distressed, your ability to offer comfort and reassurance plays a critical role in strengthening the attachment. Whether it’s through a gentle touch, a cuddle or words of encouragement – children need to feel supported during challenging moments.

    • Practical Tip: When a child is upset, kneel down to their level, acknowledge their feelings, and offer reassurance. Simple phrases like, “I see you’re upset, and I’m here to help” go a long way in making children feel safe.

    5. Be Present and Engage: Quality time spent with children is one of the best ways to form secure attachment. Engage in activities that foster connection, such as reading together, playing games, or simply talking and listening to them. Active engagement helps children feel valued and understood.

    • Practical Tip: Get down to the child’s level during playtime and actively participate. Whether it’s building with blocks or drawing, your involvement helps them feel secure and appreciated.

    6. Encourage Emotional Expression: Allowing children to express their emotions in a safe and supportive environment helps them understand their feelings and develop emotional regulation skills. Recognise and validate their emotions, which helps them feel understood.

    • Practical Tip: If a child is feeling sad, angry, or frustrated, encourage them to talk about their feelings. You might say, “It looks like you’re feeling cross. Can you tell me what has happened?” This encourages emotional expression and problem-solving.

    Building strong relationships with young children through attachment is one of the most powerful tools you have as a childminder or nursery practitioner. By being responsive, creating a nurturing environment and fostering emotional security, you’re helping children develop the skills they need for a lifetime of healthy relationships, resilience and emotional well-being.

    Remember, the way we connect with children in their early years has lasting effects and the bonds we create today can positively impact their future development. The children in your care need to feel safe, seen and supported in every way – and as early years educators, you are key to making that happen.

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  • Let’s Talk About – Domestic Violence and Abuse: Support, Information and Reassurance

    Let’s Talk About – Domestic Violence and Abuse: Support, Information and Reassurance

    Domestic violence or abuse can affect anyone, regardless of age, gender, or background. If you’re worried that someone might notice or check on the pages you’ve visited, the Women’s Aid website offers guidance on how to cover your tracks online to protect your privacy.

    What is Domestic Violence and Abuse?

    Domestic violence, also referred to as domestic abuse, encompasses physical, emotional and sexual abuse that occurs in intimate partner relationships or between family members. It can happen to anyone and unfortunately, anyone can be an abuser.

    Getting Help and Support for Domestic Violence

    You do not have to wait for an emergency situation to reach out for help. If you’re experiencing domestic abuse, it’s important to talk to someone and remember that you are not alone.

    Information and Support Resources:

    • For women: Call the Freephone National Domestic Abuse Helpline run by Refuge at 0808 2000 247, available 24/7, offering confidential, non-judgemental information and support.
    • For men: Call Men’s Advice Line at 0808 8010 327 (Mon-Fri 10am-8pm) or visit their webchat (Wed 10am-11:30am & 2:30pm-4pm) for information and support.
    • For LGBT+ individuals: Call Galop at 0800 999 5428 for emotional and practical support.
    • For forced marriage or honour crimes: Call Karma Nirvana at 0800 5999 247 (Mon-Fri 9am-5pm) or GOV.UK Forced Marriage Unit at 020 7008 0151.

    In emergencies, always call 999. You can also email for support. When emailing, please specify when and how it is safe to respond:

    The Survivor’s Handbook from Women’s Aid is a free resource that provides essential information about housing, money, children’s support, and legal rights.

    If you’re concerned about your own behaviour, the Respect Helpline can provide support. Call 0808 802 4040 for confidential, free advice.

    Signs of Domestic Violence and Abuse

    Domestic violence is fundamentally about power and control. There are different forms of abuse, and it can be hard to recognise, especially when the abuser acts differently around others. Here are some questions to help you identify potential abuse:

    Emotional Abuse:

    • Does your partner belittle or put you down?
    • Do they blame you for arguments or abuse?
    • Do they isolate you from family or friends?
    • Do they control your access to money or essential items?
    • Do they monitor your social media or invade your privacy?

    Threats and Intimidation:

    • Are you ever threatened with harm or death?
    • Do they destroy your belongings or intimidate you physically?
    • Are you ever made to feel fearful of their actions?

    Physical Abuse:

    • Has your partner slapped, punched, kicked, or physically harmed you?
    • Have they ever burned or choked you, or thrown things at you?

    Sexual Abuse:

    • Have they touched you in ways you didn’t want?
    • Are you pressured into unsafe or unwanted sexual activity?
    • Are you made to have sex when you don’t want to, even with a partner?

    General Signs of Abuse:

    • Have you ever felt afraid of your partner?
    • Have you changed your behavior out of fear of what they might do?

    If you answered “yes” to any of these, you might be in an abusive relationship. Help is available, and you don’t have to face this alone.

    Domestic Abuse During Pregnancy

    Unfortunately, domestic abuse often increases during pregnancy. If you are pregnant and facing abuse, it can get worse as the relationship dynamics change. It’s essential to seek support, both for your safety and the safety of your unborn child.

    If You Decide to Leave

    The first step in escaping an abusive situation is realizing that you are not alone, and it’s not your fault. Before leaving, it’s important to get advice and create a safety plan. Some organizations that can help with safety planning are:

    • Women’s Aid (for women)
    • Men’s Advice Line (for men)
    • Galop (for LGBT+)

    If you plan to leave, be careful who you tell, and make sure the person abusing you does not find out where you’re going. Women’s Aid provides practical advice on making a safety plan for both men and women.

    Signs of Domestic Abuse on Children

    Domestic abuse often impacts children who witness it. It’s important to be aware of the signs that a child may be affected:

    • Aggression, bullying, or anti-social behavior
    • Anxiety, depression, or suicidal thoughts
    • Bed-wetting, nightmares, or insomnia
    • Frequent sickness or unexplained health issues
    • Eating disorders or substance use
    • Problems in school or learning difficulties
    • Withdrawal or isolation

    If you notice any of these signs, it’s important to seek support for both you and your children.

    Effects of Domestic Abuse on Children

    Children who live in homes with domestic abuse may experience long-term effects on their mental, emotional, and physical wellbeing. These impacts can last into adulthood if left unaddressed.

    What’s crucial is ensuring that the abuse stops and that children are provided with a safe, stable environment where they can heal.

    Support for Adults and Families Affected by Domestic Abuse

    There are several support services available:

    • Relate: Call 0300 003 0396 for support with relationship issues, including domestic abuse.
    • National Domestic Violence Helpline: Call 0808 2000 247 (24/7).
    • Men’s Advice Line: Call 0808 801 0327 for men experiencing domestic abuse.
    • National LGBT+ Domestic Abuse Helpline: Call 0800 999 5428 for LGBT+ individuals.

    Help for Those Worried About Their Behaviour

    If you think you may be abusive, or are concerned about your behaviour, help is available.

    You can call NSPCC at 0808 800 5000 or email help@nspcc.org.uk for advice and support.

    You can also reach out to Respect at 0808 802 4040 (Mon-Fri 9am-5pm) for confidential help. Their webchat service is available on Tuesdays and Thursdays.

    Remember, you are not alone, and help is available. There are professionals who care and can support you through the difficult journey of healing, whether you are experiencing abuse, have witnessed it, or are concerned about your own behaviour.

    Take the first step – reach out, ask for help, and know that there is a path to safety, peace and healing.

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  • Top Tips for Supporting Emotional Regulation

    Top Tips for Supporting Emotional Regulation

    1. Name Your Feelings
      Help children identify and express their emotions by using mirrors to explore facial expressions and discussing what different feelings look like. This builds emotional intelligence and awareness.
    2. Separate “I Am” from “I Feel”
      Encourage children to say “I feel angry” instead of “I am angry,” reminding them that emotions are temporary and don’t define who they are.
    3. Use Makaton
      Makaton sign language helps children express emotions. Even for those who usually have a good vocabulary, in moments of emotional distress and dysregulation, children can struggle to express themselves. This supports both emotional and verbal communication, when children don’t have or cant find the words.
    4. Read Books About Emotions
      Explore stories like The Colour Monster and The Lion Inside, using story props and puppets to dive deeper into characters’ feelings and situations.
    5. Calm Down Bottles & Basket
      Provide sensory bottles or a calming basket with emotion books, fidget toys, and other calming resources to help children de-escalate when feeling overwhelmed.
    6. Practice Dragon Breaths
      Teach mindful breathing with fun techniques like “Dragon Breaths” (deep breaths) or “Smell the Flowers, Blow Out the Candles” to calm the body and mind.
    7. Mindful Body Scan
      Encourage children to relax by tensing and releasing different body parts, helping them become more aware of their body and emotions.
    8. Daily Yoga
      Incorporate simple yoga poses to release pent-up emotions, reduce stress and boost emotional resilience.
    9. Music & Movement
      Use songs and physical activities (like jumping or running) to help children release energy and regulate their emotions in a fun, active way.
    10. Cooperative Games
      Promote self-regulation through games that encourage patience, turn-taking and impulse control – great for developing social-emotional skills.
    11. Sensory Play
      Offer a variety of sensory activities, from messy play to sensory tents, to help children connect with their bodies and explore emotions through their senses.
    12. Imaginative Play
      Encourage pretend play, allowing children to act out real-life scenarios and explore different emotions, which helps build empathy and emotional understanding.
    13. Singing
      Use songs to help children express and regulate their emotions. (Bonus – Singing also supports language development and memory).
    14. The Power of Play
      All types of play – whether physical, imaginative, or symbolic – are essential in building early self-regulation skills and supporting expression. Through play, children practice planning, problem-solving and emotional control.

    Supporting emotional regulation in children is a continuous, nurturing process that builds over time. By offering simple, effective strategies like these, we can help children develop the tools they need to understand and manage their feelings in healthy ways. Whether it’s through play, breathing exercises, or expressive activities, every moment is an opportunity to guide them towards emotional resilience.

    For more tips and ideas on fostering emotional growth, be sure to keep an eye on our other resources in the Top Tips category. Together, we can help our little ones grow into confident, self-aware individuals.

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  • Let’s Talk about – Self regulation and emotional resilience 

    Let’s Talk about – Self regulation and emotional resilience 

    Supporting Young Children in Developing Emotional Regulation

    Emotional regulation isn’t a skill we’re born with—it’s something we learn over time. In the early years, children’s moods can swing and change massively. Because of this, helping each child learn to self-regulate across a wide range of emotions is one of our most important responsibilities as educators, caregivers or parents.

    The foundations of emotional and cognitive self-regulation are deeply interconnected in the early years and both are essential for behavioural regulation. For young children, this learning process begins with co-regulation—a supportive partnership between child and adult that has both emotional and cognitive aspects.

    Emotionally, co-regulation involves adults modelling calming strategies, naming and talking about feelings and introducing ways to manage them. This helps children begin to recognise their own emotional states and builds their understanding of how to reduce or cope with intense emotions.

    Cognitively, adults can scaffold self-regulation by talking with children about their thinking and learning – helping them pause, reflect and become aware of their thought processes. This early support helps build skills like impulse control, attention, and flexible thinking. It’s also important that adults can model their own thinking processes such as; “I feel sad because” and then what they can do to help themselves “I am going to go for a run because that helps me feel better”, allowing children opportunities to see positive reactions to negative feelings.

    When emotions run very high, they can interfere with a child’s ability to use these cognitive tools. A child overwhelmed by strong feelings may struggle to focus, regulate impulses or think clearly. This is because heightened emotional arousal can overpower the brain’s capacity for logical thought and problem-solving. In these moments, emotional co-regulation must come first – supporting the child in calming down – before they’re ready to reflect or respond thoughtfully to a situation.

    Key Strategies for Co-Regulation

    Researchers have identified three foundational strategies that support effective co-regulation in early childhood. These approaches work together to create the conditions in which children can begin developing their own self-regulation skills.

    1. Positive Relationships
    At the heart of co-regulation is a warm, responsive relationship. When children feel respected, comforted and supported – especially during times of stress – they are more likely to feel safe and understood. Knowing that a trusted adult is consistently there for them builds the emotional security needed to begin regulating their feelings and behaviours.

    2. Enabling Environments
    Children thrive in environments that feel both physically and emotionally safe. A predictable, well-structured space helps reduce unnecessary stress and provides the consistency that young children need. These environments offer space to explore, take risks and try out self-regulation strategies without fear of harsh consequences or confusion.

    3. Learning and Development
    Self-regulation can be taught and strengthened over time. Adults play a key role by modelling calm behaviour, suggesting practical strategies and offering children regular opportunities to practice these skills. Through gentle guidance and scaffolding, children gradually become more confident and capable in managing their emotions, attention and behaviours.

    In Summary

    Supporting emotional regulation in young children is not only about responding to moments of emotional intensity, but also about laying a strong foundation through relationships, environments and daily learning experiences. With consistent, compassionate support, children begin to build the lifelong skills they need to understand, express, and manage their emotions in positive and healthy ways.

    If you’re looking for practical ideas to get started, be sure to check out our Top Tips category – where I have shared simple, effective ways to support emotional regulation every day.

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  • Top Tips for Using Everyday Language to Build Resilience

    Top Tips for Using Everyday Language to Build Resilience

    Small words. Big impact.

    In early years, the way we speak to children shapes how they speak to themselves. Resilience doesn’t come from perfection – it grows from trying, failing, feeling and trying again… with adult-led support.

    Here are a few everyday phrases that plant those seeds:

    1. “I can see you’re finding this tricky – and that’s okay.”
    This validates their experience while keeping the door open for growth.

    2. “Let’s try together first.”
    Support before independence shows we’re on their team.

    3. “You don’t have to get it right the first time.”
    Normalise struggle – it’s where the learning lives (where possible, be relatable e.g. “I couldn’t do my zip at first either”

    4. “I saw how hard you tried” – not just focusing on the outcome.
    Praising effort teaches children to value the process, not just the product, as well as building confidence and motivation.

    5. “You’re safe. I’m here.”
    Because when big feelings come, safety is the first step.

    It’s not about getting it perfect – none of us are! However, it’s about being intentional, consistent and kind because Young Ones deserve the patience, care and respect that helps them feel seen and safe every day.

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